Dear Frannie,

With Summer almost upon us, I have a question. How do I deal with loud talking, overweight, smelly sandwich eating, cigarette smoking, foul mouthed, kids screaming, bad music blaring, have no clue about anything a-holes, who, without a doubt, will end up sitting right next to me and my family every time we go to the beach?! There is no one else within 200 yards of us, and these obnoxious types ALWAYS sit on top of us. Help me please!

With sand in my shoes, Beach Lover in Ocean City

Dear Beach Lover,

Fight fire with fire. Form a perimeter around your beach area with soiled diapers. You’ll be all alone. If you’re lucky your family might leave too.

Always, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

Why do people think it’s okay to put vegetables inside of Jello?

Signed, R. Blethen

Dear R.,

Putting vegetables inside of Jello was invented first invented in 1945 by a mother who despised the woman her son was engaged to. She put the “dessert” in front of the future daughter-in-law to scare her away and see if she would actually eat it. It was said the woman loved her future husband so much she wolfed it down and asked for seconds.

Best, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

I bumped into Kim Kardashian at the Kentucky Derby last weekend. Do you think she pays to insure her ass?

From, Country Girl

Dear Country Girl,

Actually, Brody Jenner pays to insure Kim Kardashian’s ass. When they became step siblings he commissioned an artist to have his likeness tattooed across her butt cheeks to scale. He loves the piece of art so much he pays to have it insured it in case it gets damaged.

Always, Frannie