Dear Frannie,

So I accidentally called my friend my ex-girlfriend’s name right after telling her I don’t even think about my ex anymore. Needless to say this did not escape my prurient friend and I fear what may come of it. How do I nip this thing in the bud before it comes back to bite me?

Signed, Me in RI

Dear Me,

Be honest with yourself, it sounds like you want the ex to come back and bite you. Send her some flowers and tell her you’ve changed. As for the friend, that bud has blossomed. You’ll probably be deservedly ridiculed until you call your mom the ex girlfriend’s name and then no one will say anything because they’ll feel sorry for you.

Be well, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

I recently joined Facebook and have a question. Today, I got a friend request from the girl in college who gave me crabs. I don’t really have anything against her, since because of the crabs, my next girlfriend thought I was a real gentleman for not asking for sex for awhile, but it still makes me a little uncomfortable. Should I accept?

Itchy in Wichita

Dear Itchy,

Don’t accept her friend request. Research shows people who become Facebook friends with someone who has given them a sexually transmitted disease often feel intense regret, disappointment, and groin pain when that person’s image pops up on their computer. I’m scratching myself just reading your letter.

Sincerely, Frannie