Dear Frannie,

Lisa S. in Sarasota

Dear Lisa,

You have Spousal Reflux. This is when normal everyday actions never bother or irritate you unless it is your spouse doing the action. Symptoms often include a throwuppie taste in your throat when your mate performs a minor function around you like chewing or breathing. There is no cure for Spousal Reflux except for suffocation or decapitation and these are illegal. Sufferers often dull symptoms by drinking until they can’t hear or see.

With love, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

Not the Least Bit Amused

Dear Not,

Sneak your mother into the house. Tell everyone you’ll be in the shower if they need you and hide in the closet while your mom takes a shower. When he opens the curtain and asks if he can clean anything have your mother say, “Yes, I can never quite reach the spot in between my shoulder blades.” He’ll never offer his services again.

Always, Frannie

Frannie,

TJ in Wyoming

Dear TJ,

Get real, Cowboy. It’s better to have been double teamed and lost, than to have never been double teamed at all.

Always, Frannie