Babies
Monday, July 20th, 2009Dear Frannie,
How are babies made?
Hadley in NH
Dear Hadley,
I’m not sure how they were made in your house, but in mine all it took was a 6-pack and poor planning.
Love, Frannie
Archive for the ‘husband’ Category
Husband Chewing
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009Dear Frannie,
Why does the sound of anyone chewing almonds not bother me unless it’s my husband chewing them?
Lisa S. in Sarasota
Dear Lisa,
You have Spousal Reflux. This is when normal everyday actions never bother or irritate you unless it is your spouse doing the action. Symptoms often include a throwuppie taste in your throat when your mate performs a minor function around you like chewing or breathing. There is no cure for Spousal Reflux except for suffocation or decapitation and these are illegal. Sufferers often dull symptoms by drinking until they can’t hear or see.
With love, Frannie
Wash Me
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009Dear Frannie,
I have been married for over 20 years. Every time I’ve taken a shower for the last 20 years my husband runs into the bathroom and peaks in the curtain and says, “Can I wash anything for you?” I think, maybe, in some very distant place a long, long time ago I might have thought this was funny once but I don’t think it’s that funny anymore. How can I get him to stop?
Not the Least Bit Amused
Dear Not,
Sneak your mother into the house. Tell everyone you’ll be in the shower if they need you and hide in the closet while your mom takes a shower. When he opens the curtain and asks if he can clean anything have your mother say, “Yes, I can never quite reach the spot in between my shoulder blades.” He’ll never offer his services again.
Always, Frannie
