Dear Frannie,

I am in a very passionate, loving, adventurous and happy 14 year marriage with a very handsome, sexy, and really smart guy. He is a hunk and ooh, la, la, do we get it on! Makes me tingle all over! Why then throughout the years do I have really exotic, sexual dreams about an old flame? This guy was incredibly hot. He was tall, very blond, with amazing blue eyes, very Scandinavian, with the most luscious lips ever kissed. I cannot get him out of my brain sometimes. To make matters worse, we married our spouses on the same day 14 years ago. Weird, spooky. Help! What do I do to get this flame out of my head?

Lustful Dreamer in Boston

Dear Lustful,

If any part of your body still “tingles” after fourteen years of marriage, I’d leave well enough alone.

Always, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

I’ve been married for almost eleven years. The other day I came home and my husband was singing along to a Guns N’ Roses song that went, “I used to love her, but I had to kill her, I had to put her 6 feet under and I can still hear her complain.” When he heard me come in he stopped singing and turned the CD off. What should I do?

Signed, Felicia in Fargo

Dear Felicia,

Maybe you should try being nice to him for a change and he wouldn’t have fantasies that you were dead.

Best, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

With Summer almost upon us, I have a question. How do I deal with loud talking, overweight, smelly sandwich eating, cigarette smoking, foul mouthed, kids screaming, bad music blaring, have no clue about anything a-holes, who, without a doubt, will end up sitting right next to me and my family every time we go to the beach?! There is no one else within 200 yards of us, and these obnoxious types ALWAYS sit on top of us. Help me please!

With sand in my shoes, Beach Lover in Ocean City

Dear Beach Lover,

Fight fire with fire. Form a perimeter around your beach area with soiled diapers. You’ll be all alone. If you’re lucky your family might leave too.

Always, Frannie