Dear Frannie,

Not the Least Bit Amused

Dear Not,

Sneak your mother into the house. Tell everyone you’ll be in the shower if they need you and hide in the closet while your mom takes a shower. When he opens the curtain and asks if he can clean anything have your mother say, “Yes, I can never quite reach the spot in between my shoulder blades.” He’ll never offer his services again.

Always, Frannie

Hello,

My name is Jeff Foster, I am the PR Manager for smellywasher.com. Our product removes mildew smell from washing machines. I would like to send your company a free bottle of Smelly Washer so you can test it out and write a review about it on your website.

Sincerely, Jeff Foster

PR Manager

Smelly Washer

Dear Jeff,

Although it’s incredibly kind of you to offer me a free bottle of Smelly Washer there are a number of places in my life that I worry about the smell of more than my washing machine. In fact, my washing machine is just about the only place in my house that doesn’t actually smell like pets, husband, children, stale beer and tears.

Thanks, Frannie

Dear Frannie,

Sam I Am

Dear Sam,

If that’s your definition of f’ed up then I’m f’ed up, too. See you in the closet.

Warmest regards, Frannie